Bring on the Funny: Day 3
Day 3: Homeschooling humor! I know many of you are homeschoolers or homeschooling parents, and surely will enjoy this collection of homeschool humor (Keep scrolling! There’s more past the videos!)
Do your parents make you homeschool?
-Yes, they chain me up in a deep, dank basement and force me to learn
independently.
-Yes, they do. In my heart of hearts, I really *want* to spend 6 hours a
day in a stuffy classroom filled with stupid people, listening to a rude
and irrational teacher rant incessantly.
-No, I make them homeschool me.
Do you have any friends?
-Friends? I don’t need any friends!
-Define “Friends”.
-Yes, let me introduce you to my invisible pal Harvey. Say hello, Harvey.
-No, I’m a misanthrope sociopath who would rather die a thousand deaths
than be socialized normally.
How do you meet people?
-I have found that painting myself blue and running through the streets
screaming is a very effective way to meet people.
-I go to a playgroup!
-Actively seeking out human companionship is illogical.
Do you get graded?
-I grade myself. I am very proud of myself for maintaining my 4.0 GPA.
-Grades are determined each semester by a coin toss.
-What is that?
How do you know what to do without a teacher telling you?
-I am omniscient.
-I visit the library and pick books at random. Those books then become my
curriculum for that semester. Last semester, I studied alternative
physics, macamre, tomato growing, and plot flaws in Star Trek the Next
Generation episodes.
-The little green aliens who live under my desk tell me what to do.
Is homeschooling legal?
-No. In fact, you could even be arrested for aiding and abetting a
criminal just by talking to me!
-Yes. The government wants as many of us smartaleck, self motivating brats
out of their high schools as possible.
-No. We live in a dictatorial police state where being different is
punishable by death.
Are you going to homeschool your kids?
-With any luck, my offspring will be born on an asteroid colony, where
homeschooling is the only viable means of education.
-Certainly! In fact, my children will undergo an accelerated education, so
that they are ready for college classes by the age of 10.
You must be pretty smart to homeschool, huh?
-Actually, my intelligence level is below normal. I have simply acquired an
immense vocabulary through memorization, which often fools humans into
believing that I am more intelligent than I actually am.
-I am a genius, and my superior intellect allows me to take full advantage
of non traditional methods of education.
-Duh, of course.
Bring on the Funny: Day 2
To all you fellow graduates in the HFH class of 2013, and all of the Classes 0f 2013!
Bring on the Funny: Day 1
Here it is: Day 1! I hope you enjoy it.
You’re sure to enjoy this: a group dressed up as monks with a little choreography to the Hallelujah Chorus. You’ll be sure to enjoy it!
New Mini-Series: Bring on the Funny!
I will not be blogging normally this week. Sorry, y’all.
But fear not, dear readership! I’ll be putting together a mini-series to keep you all entertained this week! Starting tomorrow, check back, I’ll be posting something new each day to make you laugh and smile. Sunday through Friday, every day! Also, feel free to use the share buttons at the bottom of each post if you want to quickly share it!
Also, throughout the week and afterwards, let me know: did you like it? Should I do more things like this? Hated it, loved it, go back to what you were doing before, whatever you have to say! Let me know!
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24/7 Confessional: Curé of Ars in Madison, WI
I’m proud to say that the Very Rev. Richard Heilman is a priest in my diocese, within half an hour of my home. I’m even luckier that I get to attend there frequently. I can not say enough about this man. Here’s just some of the things he’s done so far.
Now, as the title says, he recently installed a 24/7 confessional in his rectory (also his office), and Fr. Z has covered it. I will reproduce his post in full. Congrats to Fr. Rick.
I’m very interested in getting this app, especially if more priests begin to use it, as Fr. Z outlines below. Now THAT would be amazing.
Yes, this one got me a little excited.
In the past I have posted about a very cool priest, Fr. Richard Heilman, pastor of glorious Pine Bluff, WI. You may recall that he founded a group called the Knights of Divine Mercy and that some months ago he switched to celebrating Mass ad orientem exclusively.
Fr. Heilman just celebrated his 25th anniversary, btw!
When they hauled the versus populum altar out of the church and into the rectory, I posted this:
Months later, here is an update.
I went to a celebration at the parish for Father’s 25th anniversary. He wanted to show me what he did with that altar they hauled out of the church to the rectory.
As you step into the front door of the rectory, there is a small vestibule with three doors. To the center, you enter the house. I’ll get to the left in a moment.
To the right, you find this!
The Blessed Sacrament is present with the permission of the local bishop.
He put clear appliques on the windows.
There are a couple chairs and kneelers.
“But Father! But Father!” you might be chirruping. ”What behind the door to the left!”
Father Heilman’s office.
But with a difference.
He has installed a small confessional window in the door of his office and placed a kneeler in the small vestibule across from the little chapel.
This means that people can come to the rectory for confession pretty much at any time when Father is at home or, at least, in his office, and they can then pray before the the Eucharistic Lord and do their penance.
The outer door to the rectory will be rigged up soon with a wireless intercom and locking/unlocking gizmo.
When someone comes into that little vestibule, it will be as if they are in a confessional. Father than then zip over from the desk to the door on his rolling chair, open the window (there is an obscuring barrier for anonymity), and hear the penitent!
Like so!
But wait! THERE’S MORE!
If that wasn’t cool enough….
Father has developed an app for his confession availability! MyConfessor!
People can see on the app whether Father is available. There is a description/bio of the priest, there is a good Examination of Conscience and helpful prayers.
Father can, from his desktop, switch his status to available/not available. He can also do so from his own mobile device if need be.
But WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
By linking with Google Maps, and when other priests get this app working, you will be able to see drop pins for priests hearing confessions by their availability!
Think about another way to use this app.
Perhaps I, who travel a lot, am in – say – an airport for a long layover. I am stuck at gate X8472 waiting for my flight. I get out my phone, open MyConfessor, pin myself at Gate X8472 and switch my status to available. While there are problems of anonymity and lack of a grate, etc. (I never hear confessions without a grate of some kind), most priests who travel in their black clothes and collar have heard confessions on the fly. Another scenario, World Youth Day… a conference… a rally. It is at least an interesting idea to tweak.
The very cool Fr. Heilman as viewed from near his desk.
The door behind him is the little chapel. The door to his left is the front, outside door to the rectory.
He even said he wouldn’t mind getting up in the night were someone to ring.
(FYI – He also has a really big dog in the house.)
What great zeal and creative use of tech!
Ultimate Fr Z Kudos and congratulations.
UPDATE:
To be clear the APP is NOT YET FUNCTIONAL. The kinks are being straightened out.
I will update you.
Pope Francis: You need to Participate in Politics
This is why I do what I do, when it comes to politics. Pope Francis recently talked to school kids, answering their questions.
I’ve heard people say before that they are sick of politics, so they are done getting involved. Pope Francis does not agree:
“We can’t play the role of Pontius Pilate and wash our hands of it,” he said. “Politics is one of the highest forms of charity because it seeks the common good.”
He said those who complain that politics is “too dirty” should ask themselves why. Perhaps it’s “because Christians haven’t gotten involved with an evangelical spirit.”
It’s easy to blame others, he said, but people need to ask themselves: “Me? What am I doing” about it?
HT CatholicVote
Senior Rips up School Approved Speech and Prays
This is absolutely fantastic. It looks like the video does’t start until later in the speech, so you have to read the article to get the whole story. I hope there’s no retaliation against him.
I’ve noticed something key, which comes into play in this story (and many others): whenever liberals don’t like something, they make sure it’s banned for everyone. For example, sending the IRS against conservative groups (and who knows who else now! The scandal keeps getting bigger and bigger), or prayer in schools.
As a rule, when conservatives are against something, they may protest, but they don’t take every policy choice they can to ban it, because they see the value in freedom. They’ll let you be stupid if you want (for example, drinking that jumbo soda).
I think we are going to see, and need to see, more things like this, as our culture and our government become more and more restrictive and opposed to the good, the true and the beautiful. Pray, people. Pray like you never have before. We’re going to need it.
A South Carolina valedictorian’s commencement address sparked wild applause from the crowd when he tore up his pre-approved speech, and instead began reciting the Lord’s Prayer.
The Pickens County School District banned prayer at schools altogether after a barrage of complaints from local atheist groups about the inclusion of prayer at various ceremonies.
In an apparent act of protest, Liberty High School’s Roy Costner IV ripped up his valedictory speech and began talking about his Christian upbringing and how his parents led him to the Lord at a young age.
The crowd erupted in applause when Costner said, “I think most of you will understand when I say, ‘Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.”
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Corpus Christi 2013 With Bishop Morlino
This year’s Corpus Christi procession in downtown Madison went fabulously. Below you can find photos by Tom Reitz of the day. I had the fun job of keeping both thurifers topped off and smokin’ as you can see in the 3rd and 5th picture!
Also, I want to give a shoutout and thank you to the Amberstein band, that was playing on the square this past Sunday. As the procession began to near their stage, they promptly stopped their music and stood in reverent silence for about 5 minutes, as the entire procession passed by.
I was not expecting it, but I was very happy they did. I intend to begin a thank-you-letter-writing campaign to them, and would encourage you to join me!
I did some research, and they can be reached at:
Amberstein
5325 Frosty Ln
Madison, WI 53705
I highly encourage you to take 5 minutes and thank them. People are so very quick to write hate mail. Encourage civil and positive behavior like this! Thank them!
Adoration with Pope Francis
Adoration with Pope Francis
Bringing Him to the streets
Bringing Him to the streets of Madison
Let my prayer rise like incense before you…
On the Capital Square
On the Capital Square
The band stopping as the procession nears
On the Capital Square
On the capital property
Walking up the capital steps for benediction
At the capital, with two thurifers constantly incensing the Blessed Sacrament
At the capital
Prayer at the capital
Adoration with Bishop at the Capital
Msgr. Holmes giving the benediction as Bishop Morlino, servers, seminarians and others pray
Procession back to Bishop Morlino’s car with the luna (the small liturgical implement that holds the host) to return the host to the church.
Bishop Morlino leaving the capital with his Master of Ceremonies, Fr. Greg Ihm
